Pre-Race Jitters

I was practicing one day when I stopped to notice a strange feeling I was experiencing. I had this big, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. It bothered me for a bit as I tried to figure out its source.

At first, I thought I was experiencing an enhanced type of the normal nerves I often get. After all, I'm moving soon, taking a few auditions, starting grad classes, which are all things that could set off my nervous states.

Then, I realized...I've had this feeling before...many times.

My thoughts transported back to a cross country course somewhere in Missouri. The sky was slightly overcast, with a cool breeze blowing against my shoulder. I was standing with my teammates in a small, painted box on a patch of grass. I looked to my left, then to my right, at the teams next to me. "10 minutes!" said the starter. With those words, the tension across the length of the painted line ratcheted up significantly.

Nerves before a race, at least for me, began before the season did. During the many miles of summer training, I envisioned running against talented competitors from other colleges. These weren't strong, persistent feelings, but mostly a positive visualization of the shape I would be in after all the training.

The week before the race, nerves got stronger, as I began to check weather forecasts, monitor every bit of soreness in my legs, think more about what I was eating.

An hour before the race, the nerves became something else. Senses heightened up as I noticed the chill in the air, the flags lining the course blowing in the wind, and of course, every small sensation in my body. I was running a warmup with my teammates, but I wasn't quite there. Gradually, my attention drew almost completely inward to focus on my body, my thoughts.

The fifteen minutes before the race are the longest I have ever experienced. You do and don't want the race to start at the same time. You jump around, you run strides, you check your watch every 20 seconds. Time passes exceptionally slowly. And the feeling...the feeling...

My thoughts jump back to my present flute practice as I finally identify WHAT it is I am feeling. This sensation is the exact same feeling I experienced in the 15 minutes before the cross country race. It is known as "pre-race jitters." How is this different from regular nerves? "Pre-race jitters" often stem from a place of preparedness. They are intense, but often a feeling of, "I have worked hard, now I don't know how the rest will turn out."

Me, experiencing "pre-race jitters" before clocking a 5:02 mile in February 2012.

Identifying my feelings as simple "pre-race jitters," and not "I'M UNPREPARED!!" nerves has helped me to live with them a bit more. I now feel them, but don't let them drag me down nearly as easily. The unfortunate thing is, these pre-race jitters apparently last for three weeks rather than fifteen minutes. The good thing is, I have worked to prepare. I am ready, so the thing I am nervous about is completely outside of my control.

There's nothing I can do but wait for the slow "15 minutes" of these weeks to pass. When the gun goes off, all I can do is RUN. And, in past experience, that has turned out well. :)

Running a cross country race in fall 2012.

And pack. That's another story...