Before I move onto the next thing, this time, I'm going to stop.
I'm going to celebrate what is perhaps the greatest musical victory I have ever reached.
I played my masters recital this past weekend.
But that isn't the victory.
The victory is that I was comfortable.
I love playing the flute. I wouldn't have come this far without loving the instrument. But, performing has never really been easy for me. I have had performance anxiety ranging in severity from fairly mild, to trembling lips, to near panic attacks.
In the last year, I have finally sought help for this struggle so the music within can come out. Introspection is valuable.
Before my recital the other day, I waited for the symptoms of performance anxiety to come : the pounding heart, the dry mouth, and the dangerous-for-flute-playing constriction of the chest.
They didn't come.
In the middle of my recital, I was playing the Mozart Andante in C Major, and time stopped. The music seemed to transport me into another dimension, where only the flowing sound and clarity of emotion existed. It was the flow state that I have been seeking for a long time.
Mozart, Andante in C
This comfort was a welcome feeling. It allowed the ideas I've been storing up to flow more freely. It opened up the sound.
While there were plenty of critiques I had about the recital and things to improve upon, I am happy to unlock my musical freedom.
With this freedom, the world is open.
