It's been quite some time since my last post...2 months, in fact. School sure has been busy. I've played my first professional gigs this semester, which had me out of town quite a bit. Preparing for a recital, working on my 15 page term paper (only 5 pages to go!), training for the Oklahoma City Half Marathon (April 27th, soon!), and traveling back to Nebraska for spring break have kept me plenty occupied.
I suppose, also, that March has never been an easy month for me. The intense weather shifts always throw off my mood. I find myself getting by, waiting for the clouds to lift and spring to come to me. Well, April is here, and the weather is gorgeous! We have gotten some 80 degree days already, which means summer will be a scorcher, but I'll take it!
Last week, while out running, I noticed that the grass was green again, trees were budding, and beautiful purple wildflowers were growing all over the side of the road. Check out the pictures:
These purple flowers really got me thinking about life in general. People around town have started planting gardens, with chosen flowers meticulously placed in flower beds. However, I found these purple flowers, scattered in a fragmented patchwork all over the side of the road, to be more beautiful than any of the carefully planned and designed gardens.
How often in our lives do we seek so much to have the organized, "perfect" garden that we miss out on the natural beauty that lies within us? We look around at others and think about all the things they have that we don't. Then, we wonder, "What's wrong with me that I don't have perfect rows of flowers, coordinated collages of colors, and a special place to display my work?"
I think about performing on my flute. I know I have definitely been guilty of wishing that I was great right now, and experienced the artist's struggle of wondering, "Will my art ever be good enough?"
I stop to think about the purple wildflowers.
These flowers may not be considered by the population at large to be "the best" flowers available. Their violet hues may not even be noticed by the people of Stillwater growing in large patches on the side of the road. But to me, they had great beauty...simply because they were being themselves, shining their vibrant purple colors in the mismatched patches, just waiting for the right person to notice.
The purple flowers were even more beautiful when mixed with the yellow of the dandelions. Dandelions, to many, are considered a weed, but here, they were the perfect complimentary accent to the purple wildflowers. I remember as a kid, picking dandelions and bringing these "flowers" inside to my mother because I thought they were beautiful. Over time, I learned these flowers were "weeds," not the gorgeous flowers I originally perceived them to be.
What happened?
I believe the internal beauty of the dandelions never changed. What did?
My perspective!
I think all of us start learning music with this sense of childlike wonder, with a belief that possibilities are endless and a drive to create beautiful sounds.
Then, we encounter some setbacks. We make mistakes. We receive criticism. We look at the great performers and see the gap. And we start to believe that perhaps, our music is more weed than flower.
Change takes much patient work. Introspection, positive thinking, and of course, continual practice, both with the instrument and with the mind can help us recover our childlike love for creating. What is beautiful? Musicians, all of us, work hard, day in and day out, to become the best that we can be. We grow. Once we notice our own value as artists/musicians/humans, that is when the true blossoming begins.
And once we notice our own hidden patchwork of beauty, the colors will shine ever more vibrantly. Others will notice the bright colors and stop to listen, to question, "What makes this so beautiful?"
Faith, motivation, inspiration, and a perspective shift lets the internal beauty that always existed shine out.
~"Consider the flowers, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, but I say unto you, not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed as one of these."~ Luke 12:27
