For the Love of the Game

I was talking to my dad recently. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "I'm going to Lincoln this weekend."
Dad: "What for?"
        "I'm running the Lincoln Half Marathon. I didn't train for it, but I paid $60 for it, so I'm going to run it!!"
        "I wouldn't pay to run 13 miles. You couldn't pay ME enough to run 13 miles!"

Motivation...it's a funny thing. I think most of us start doing a task because something about the activity interests us. We keep doing it for awhile because we find out we're good at it and get some sort of extrinsic motivator. We improve, win a race, get a compliment.

Somewhere down the line, extrinsic motivation becomes not enough to keep carrying us through. Yes, we can keep doing a job for the money as long as we push ourselves through it, but the fire for it will die unless we find it intrinsically motivating.

I am not your average person. If I love something, I find any way possible to fit it into my life. This is how I managed to fit the running/flute/school combo into my college schedule. Contrarily, if I don't like something (cooking and cleaning, cough cough...), I tend to avoid it until I really need to do it.

I will admit, I am an achievement-oriented person. I really like being good at stuff. This carried me through most of college.

Recently, I have noticed a shift in the way I approach things. I'm not playing my flute just to be really good at it anymore...How do I know this? Because of sacrifice. The sacrifice of a well-paying job in my field to continue to pursue my life as a musician showed me something deeper.

This week, I have been looking for a summer job to make a little extra cash before I start graduate school. I've filled out five applications. I have discovered that it is quite difficult to get a low-key job after graduating with a degree! Now, an employer just has to look at my education history and know that I am only going to be a temporary employee. I had an interview today. It was the shortest interview I've ever had: 10 minutes. The last question was, "What are your plans for the next two years?" I had to tell them about graduate school coming up. That seemed to shut down the interview pretty quickly, and I'm not holding my breath.

I have another job interview soon at a store that doesn't require a high school degree to work there. I keep thinking about the teaching job I was offered and how I wouldn't have to ever go through this process again if I would have taken one. And then, more of the weight of my love of music hit me. One doesn't go looking for low-key, likely minimum wage jobs after graduation without a driving force behind it. Mine isn't fame, or money, or accolades, but simply...an intrinsic love to keep learning more about my music.

I was browsing musicalchairs.info awhile ago, because I was curious about the pay for orchestral musicians. I clicked on the Seattle Symphony advertisement for a 3rd flute, and it was only somewhere around $10,000 for the year. Yet, I know that HUNDREDS of flutists practiced hours and hours to try to get that position. I stopped to wonder, "Why?" And it hit me even harder that musicians, like me, don't do any of this because it will make us financially secure. We do it because it is what makes us the most happy. We do it FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME.

Running a half marathon this past weekend reminded me of the correlation between music and athletics. I thought about the conversation with my dad, how he didn't understand why I would pay to run 13 miles! I thought about all the half and full marathoners there, about WHY runners would do this.  Why put ourselves through THOUSANDS of miles of training and then pay to put ourselves through pain? And it hit me even harder that runners like me, don't do any of this because it will make us win first place in the race. We do it because it is what makes us the most happy. We do it FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME.

I am beginning to become more proud of myself than I have ever been. I am proud of myself for following who I am and not letting the lure of money tear me away so easily. I have my whole life to earn money. For now, it's a season to keep chasing the things I love. I hope you all do the same.

I would like to end a quote from one of my favorite flutists on this topic:

"We are musicians for the simple-yet-hard-to-understand reason that this is WHO we are. There is no choice in the matter. It's not based on anticipated income, fame, fortune, or any other criteria that society uses to measure our impact as individuals. Talent is talent. It is a God-given grace to us. It is WHO we are, not WHAT we are, that is important.
'The crucial issue is to look in the mirror carefully and ask yourself what gives you the most pleasure, the most fulfillment. It is not about succeeding or failing. You can have every assurance that if you follow that voice within that says what gives you the most personal sense of achievement, that's what you do. In the end, you are only going to find that sense of accomplishment by 'following your heart,' as the saying goes." 
-- Brooks de Wetter-Smith, Professor of Flute, University of North Carolina-Charlotte