Artistic Freedom

I am a forward-thinking person. I am always dreaming about new possibilities and potential. Often, I don't take the time to stop and reflect on the great things that are happening in my life. I gather what I can improve upon, which is good, but I forget to allow myself to enjoy the success.

Before I move onto the next thing, this time, I'm going to stop.

I'm going to celebrate what is perhaps the greatest musical victory I have ever reached.

I played my masters recital this past weekend.

But that isn't the victory.

The victory is that I was comfortable.

I love playing the flute. I wouldn't have come this far without loving the instrument. But, performing has never really been easy for me. I have had performance anxiety ranging in severity from fairly mild, to trembling lips, to near panic attacks.

In the last year, I have finally sought help for this struggle so the music within can come out. Introspection is valuable.

Before my recital the other day, I waited for the symptoms of performance anxiety to come : the pounding heart, the dry mouth, and the dangerous-for-flute-playing constriction of the chest.

They didn't come.

In the middle of my recital, I was playing the Mozart Andante in C Major, and time stopped. The music seemed to transport me into another dimension, where only the flowing sound and clarity of emotion existed. It was the flow state that I have been seeking for a long time.

Mozart, Andante in C

This comfort was a welcome feeling. It allowed the ideas I've been storing up to flow more freely. It opened up the sound.

While there were plenty of critiques I had about the recital and things to improve upon, I am happy to unlock my musical freedom.

With this freedom, the world is open.