"You are Your Own Best Teacher."

"You are your own best teacher. I'm here to help you know what to listen for."

I remember the day my undergraduate flute professor told me the above quote. At first, it struck me by surprise. I had come to her to learn, and always respected her as the flute master with me listening to her advice. However, as I thought about it, I realized she was right. I projected my thoughts many years into the future and visualized myself one day learning music by myself without that extra ear to guide me. What would I do then?

This quote has continued to pop up in my head off and on in the years since. Yet, there always was an empty space in my complete understanding. I never felt like I was using my time in the practice room as effectively as I could, yet I never really figured out what I needed to change to become more efficient. I practiced, I pushed myself, but many times, I would leave the practice room frustrated that I hadn't learned something, or it didn't sound like I wanted. I also heard stories of people who practiced 6 hours every day, yet I noticed my attention began to waver after 3. What was I doing wrong?

Fast forward to this week, my first week as a graduate student. For some reason, the opening quote continued to pop into my head this week. Perhaps, it was because I knew now was the time to begin making changes. I'm tired of being frustrated, trying to push through, leaving the practice room with pain in my hands, and mentally crumbling on stage. 

I was very thankful when I was handed a book of ORGANIZED daily warm-ups. They were all in one place and very successful when I applied them this week! I listened to pitch more, not only in small intervals, but larger ascending ones as well.

 I also learned that recording myself would be an efficient way to help me practice. 

CONFESSION: I always have hated listening to recordings of myself. I often hear everything that is incorrect, and instead of coming up with ways to correct the issues, I would sit and mope about how bad I sounded. This week, I am listening to recordings of myself with purpose, and I no longer hear horrible sounds being played back to me. I hear a good sound with specific details I can fix with a practice strategy. For example, I noticed this week that my tone takes awhile to "get started" and sound centered after each breath. I focused on getting my air stream flowing clearly and my vibrato started right away on the note...the issues are starting to clear up already! I was so excited, because I had made a deliberate approach, and it was working - I was being a good teacher to myself!

As I was walking away from the music building in the hot Oklahoma sun the other day, I thought about how my brain is wired. Like it or not, I have a teacher's heart. I enjoy helping others and seeing them succeed. An important thought crossed my mind: I treat everyone with this caring teacher's heart except myself. This revelation cross-connected with my past teacher's words: How could I possibly be my own best teacher unless I treated myself with the same caring patience?

I am getting better at not berating myself in the practice room. I know I have come a long way, and through focused practice, I can become even better. I have noticed in the last few weeks that I leave the practice room wishing I could play more. I don't pack up and leave in frustration anymore. It doesn't feel right without putting in work every day now. Practicing isn't as much of a chore.

Lately, I have become fascinated with the mind-body connection and its impact on music. I know a lot of my practice problems have been mental. My teacher and I pinpointed the other day that the reason why I struggle in the upper register is simply because, years ago, I told myself the upper register was difficult. I have been telling myself, "It is OK to play in the upper register," and that has been helping some.

The mind-body connection also helps me understand that it is OK that I can't practice for 6 hours every day. I noticed this summer that I reach better progress if I set an attainable 3-4 hours a day and keep it consistent, rather than wear myself out with 5+ and burn out after a day or two. The thought of deliberate practice correlates with this idea. The mind needs to be present and active in practice, and after several hours, it loses focus. 

It was a big relief to me to learn that practice can happen away from the instrument as well. I don't have to be constantly playing to see improvements. Reading books about music and listening to recordings help musicianship also. Even my love of running can be counted as beneficial to practice! Why? Because without a healthy body and mind, how am I going to be able to focus on practice? The answer is - I probably won't. My mind will shift back into distractions and mindless repetition.

I am so glad that I am learning to be kinder to myself. I know I wouldn't want a teacher who constantly sat and said how poor I was at flute playing, with the only suggestion being...play it again, and be sure to do it right this time! If I am my own best teacher, I certainly want a teacher who is kind, encouraging, and gives me specific strategies to improve.

A flute studio group hug with my undergraduate professor in May 2012.